Up or Getting Up (But Never Down) #uporgettingup #neverdown
I have been married for over 32 years now and so far I have been able to keep my wife in the dark regarding the fact that SHE got the short end of this marriage stick! I recognize that I married over my head and got better than I deserve. Still, in this day and age, there is something to be said about having a marriage that has lasted this long. In the words of country music singer Billy Currington, “Must be doin’ somethin’ right!” I strongly believe that one of the things that we do right is that we still have date nights. If you are in a relationship, whether married or not, and have been in that relationship for a long time, are you still dating or are you just meeting?
We need to recognize that BOTH “meeting” and “dating” are important to a relationship. Let’s start with the meeting side of things. A meeting can be defined as “a gathering of two (or more) people for the purpose of making a decision through discussion.” Certainly, in any relationship, there are things that need to be discussed and a course of action mutually decided and agreed to. Those things would include major financial decisions, concerns with or actions to take with the children, upcoming vacations, career related discussions, retirement planning, and so much more. There are also a whole host of topics that one partner may want to discuss with the other partner simply because they value their thoughts, inputs, and guidance. Those types of topics might include challenges with a co-worker, a difficult project that you are working on, or any other subject where someone would just want a sounding board to think things through. So, for whatever the reasons, “meeting” is a necessary element in any relationship.
If, however, every time you have alone time together all you talk about are the kids, finances, and woes at your work, you are missing a very critical element in your relationship and that element is the dating aspect. Think back to when you first starting dating the person in which you are currently in a relationship. (I know, for some that is dialing the clock back a long way, but think hard!) Do you remember how you would put in effort to show your best side? Do you remember how you would spend time choosing just the right thing to wear? Do you remember how you would show interest in what they had to say? Dating is about showing your interest in another person. It is about deepening your relationship with that person. It is about ensuring that the relationship is furthered. It doesn’t matter how long you have been married or how long you have been in a relationship, your relationship still needs the dating aspect. Your relationship still needs you to set aside all the decisions and problems that currently exist and just spend time together putting energy back in to your relationship. Through dating, you are constantly strengthening the bond the two of you have. This, in turn, magnifies your energy for handling the decisions and discussions that need to occur at another time.
So, I ask again, are you still dating or are you just meeting? The meetings tend to happen without much effort. Dating, however, requires both people in the relationship to put in effort. One simple rule should apply to all dates: There is to be no discussion around things that require a decision outside of the date itself. In other words, it is OK to discuss where you would like to go for dinner or what movie to go see, but not the children’s schooling or the issues you are having with that project at work.
When it come to your relationships, living a life of being Up or Getting Up (But Never Down) requires you to engage in activities that further the relationship. Certainly, there are things in which you need to meet and make important decisions. It is OK to plan meetings with your partner, when necessary. Remember, though, that it is equally important that you spend time working on the relationship itself and that means planning time for dating.
Up or Getting Up Actions to Take:
- Plan a date night. Get a babysitter, if necessary. Dress as if this was your very first date! Follow the one rule defined above (no decisions outside of the date itself.)
- Whenever you are going out or spending time together, be clear as to whether you need to be meeting (decisions to make) or whether you are dating (deepening the relationship).
So, how do you ensure that you are spending quality time with your spouse/significant other? What is your favorite date night activity? Please share in the comments below to help stimulate ideas for others! Thanks for sharing!