When I was in college, I got to my senior year and found that I still needed 3 hours of Psychology/Sociology in order to graduate. I was headed in to my last semester, so I was looking for an easy class that wouldn't take much effort. As I was perusing the course catalog, one class caught my eye - Sociology of Marriage. This sounded perfect! I mean, how hard could this be??? Turns out that it was one of the more challenging classes I ever took. It was also one of the most thought-provoking and beneficial classes I ever took. Without a doubt, this class has had a significant impact on my life of being Up or Getting Up. Why? I learned some very valuable concepts for managing relationships and, in particular, managing the most important earthly relationship I have...the one with my wife. It is important to note here that when I FINISHED this class, I was still 2 years away from meeting the woman that would become my life partner. In fact, I wasn't even dating anyone in particular at the time. Remember, I was only taking the course because I thought it would be an easy "A".
One of the most impactful things I learned in that class was the dynamic nature of relationships. I have grown over time to appreciate, through better understanding, of just exactly what “dynamic” really means. "Dynamic" simply means that something is in a constant state of change. Another way of describing something that is dynamic is to say that it is never in a holding pattern, it is never remaining in the same state for very long.
The relationships you have with others in your life are dynamic relationships, whether that relationship be the one with your spouse, a parent, a child, or a close friend. These relationships are always in a state of change. Let's take, for example, the relationship between a married couple - a dynamic relationship without a doubt. Given that relationships are never in the same state for long, then a marriage has only two possible states:
1) the marriage is getting better, or
2) the marriage is getting worse.
Most importantly, relationships have a DEFAULT state, and the default state is that the relationship is getting worse.
Having spent a lot of time around computer programmers during my career, and knowing that the term "default" is often used in that field, I asked one of my I.T. friends to define "default state" to me. His response was "Easy. Default state is the condition something will be in or the path that will be taken in the absence of user input." I am guessing that based on the blank look on my face as I was trying to figure out what he had just said, he smiled and followed up with “it's what happens if you don't do anything." Got it.
To apply this thinking to the relationship with a spouse means that you are either working to make your marriage better (user input) or your marriage is getting worse (default state.) Put another way, we have to constantly be putting positive energy into our relationships or we are allowing them to decline. Suddenly, a lot of things made sense.
Living a life of being Up or Getting Up requires you to exert effort. It doesn't happen just by happenstance, although the most "Up" people I have known make it look that way. If we choose to just allow life to happen, without any effort or "user input" from ourselves, how can we reasonably expect that things are going to get better? This "default state" applies not only to our relationships, but to our jobs, our finances, even our health. If things are not as good in our life as we want them to be, then we should be seeking to put energy into making things change for the better.
To put this in to different words, it is about choices. We are make choices moment by moment that either contribute to a life of Up or Getting Up, or (by default) we are choosing to let life drive us. Choose to take control of your life! Put energy into being Up! Put effort into your key relationships to ensure that they are always in a state of “getting better!” It is worth the effort!
What are some of the things you do to put energy into your relationship with your spouse/significant other? Please share with others in the comment section below! Let’s make life better!
Up or Getting Up Actions to Take:
- Send your spouse/significant other a text today simply letting them know you were thinking of them.
- Plan a date night. Get a babysitter if necessary.
- Leave your spouse/significant other a note someplace that they will find later in the day (think backpack, bathroom mirror, laptop monitor). Tell them at least one thing that you appreciate about them.